Having a creative dream is to allow desire to choke reason again and again. I heard this phrase, ‘desire choked reason’, on a recent Modern Love podcast episode. The interviewer asked why the author of the tiny love story went into a new relationship even though she was scared and badly burned from a previous divorce. Her answer was simple – “desire choked reason”.
This… this is why we continue to do the things that scare us. This is why we go into new relationships, why we keep trying to make our dreams happen. I feel those of us with creative dreams perhaps feel this more acutely than most. We’ve probably always been told our dreams aren’t realistic. Reason and logic tells us to take the safe route. And yet… desire.
Desire bubbles away at the pit of our stomach, ready to erupt at the precise moment reason tries to drag us in another direction. Desire chokes reason, flooding our being and telling us to keep going. It asks us to have hope and believe that what we’re working towards is worth it.
There have been many moments in my career where reason has tried to drag me away. In the years after uni I was working in retail writing for free in my spare time in the hope it would lead to a job where I could write every day. As I scribbled half-baked ideas on the back of receipts, I wondered, would this ever happen for me? Reason said no. Reason said to lean into the retail career path and let writing be a hobby. Reason wanted something tangible and available to me in the moment.
Desire, however, wanted more. Desire saw possibility and it continued to choke reason. In the end, I did find a job where I could write every day. It wasn’t what I thought I wanted, but it ended up being so much more. I found my calling and soon a new desire began bubbling.
This time desire encouraged me to go part-time in my day-job so I could launch a business and can teach others to build the confidence I had managed to forge. This venture continues alongside my writing job today. But where there’s desire, there’s reason. So, here too, reason has tried to lure me away.
Not too long ago it encouraged me to consider going back to my day-job full time and I did explore the option. It tried to seduce me, telling me this was how I could make more money and do the things I was seeing so many of my peers doing, buying houses, getting married, all that jazz. But seeing that option laid out in the cold light of day, I recoiled. Desire choked reason once again.
Desire has planted a vision for my future and it’s a beautiful one. I may not get to that exact place, but my desire to get there is stronger than anything else right now and I’m happy for it to take the reins.
This desire strengthens us. It emboldens us to move forward when our sight is clouded by fear. It asks us to trust in ourselves and our vision.
One day the tipping point may change. Desire may wane and reason may get the upper hand. But right now, desire is in control and ready to take out reason and logic without hesitation. I’m rooting for desire, not only in myself but in you too.
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