My relationship with my body

As the first post in Blue Jay’s ‘Health’ category, I thought I should divulge my own relationship with my body and physical health. To be totally honest, it’s a complicated one.

Back in my teenage years I hated my body. I had an eating disorder and still carry the scars from my self-harming days. Suffice to say, it was a bad time all round.

I have come a hell of a long way since then, and for the most part – I like my body now. I quite like that my bum is a bit big, my boobs are OK and I don’t look horrendous in skinny jeans.

Having said all that… I probably weigh more now than I ever have in the past and I do feel a bit ‘fluffy’ as my colleague Ellen would say. I am getting increasingly less than pleased with my belly spilling out over my jeans and my bum which is probably heading from ‘a bit big’ to ‘a bit huge’.

As I said at the beginning, it’s complicated.

bluejay-body3

Photo by John Gent

I find myself swinging from extremes, probably due to my extreme dieting days. Some days I think ‘fuck it’ and eat everything in sight, thankful that I can eat without fear anymore. Then I’ll feel lethargic and sad my clothes don’t fit and have a detox day where I down Green Tea and eat a sad looking soup for lunch.

Finding a balance is an ongoing mission. I truly believe having an exercise routine and eating nutritious, healthy food 80% of the time is key to this. The buzz I get after a great gym session and the self-awareness I gleam from yoga is constantly helping me rediscover that coveted middle ground.

I have been a gym goer for a while now, but lost all sense of routine the last few months of 2016 (who didn’t?). Now it’s time to get back in that routine and eat to nourish both body and soul – not because I’m scared of gaining weight, but because I feel better physically and mentally when I look after myself like this.

And yeah, if my belly is reduced slightly in the process, that wouldn’t be the worse thing that could happen.

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