In this episode I want to talk about feeling as if you’re wading through treacle when everyone else seems to be running past you effortlessly. I want to encourage you to get to know your brands of treacle and, if you can’t change them – accept them – and if you can change them, wash it off.
So if you find you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and feel like you’re behind, this episode is for you.
You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or listen here:
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
- It’s OK to go slow
- It’s OK to change your mind
- What to do when you feel stuck
- Sign up to my newsletter
This week we’re gonna be talking about treacle. But no, I don’t mean the delicious sugary kind, I mean the metaphorical kind. The kind that slows you down from getting where you want to go. I want you to understand that it’s okay to go slow, but also what types of treacle we can wash off. So if you are intrigued about my slightly odd metaphor, keep listening and I promise it will all make sense.
Hello everyone. How are you doing? I hope you’re all well. So I’m just coming out of quite a busy couple of weeks and I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit exhausted as I record this, which kind of ties in quite nicely with the episode because I wanna talk to you guys about going slow when it comes to making changes and making your dreams happen
I think it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and seeing everyone else making loads of progress, whether it’s in their careers or in their lives, and we can feel behind. So I’ve written about this on my blog and in that blog, I used an analogy of feeling like you’re wading through treacle while everyone else seems to be running past you effortlessly in life.
So I don’t know if you can relate to this, but it’s something I’ve felt pretty much all of my life. Because I went back to live with my parents multiple times after I left for university, I didn’t learn to drive until my late 20s, and that all kind of made me feel I was behind everyone else. And even, to be honest, to this day as I rent a flat with my partner, a lot of my peers are on their second houses, they’re getting married, they’re starting families, and I’ve just always never felt quite like an adult, compared to those close to me, if you know what I mean.
But I must admit, over the last few years, I really have managed to let go of this feeling and be okay with going at my own pace. I’ve realised that I’m in no rush and I realised that I’ve got different priorities and that actually not all paths have to look the same and that’s absolutely fine.
I’ve also, however, when it comes to my career goals, I’m definitely still learning to be okay with the speed that I’m at. Trying to run a coaching business on the side of a day job can be really tricky, but this is where I believe it’s really important to get to know your brand of treacle that’s holding you back and embrace it when you can.
So, let me give you some examples of my brands of treacle to maybe get you thinking about your own.
So the first one, for me, is the fact that I’m side hustling. So I’m not working on my business full time. So that means there’s absolutely no way that I can do what other people who have all of that time can do, so I do find myself sometimes comparing myself to other coaches out there without kind of remembering and factoring in the fact that they have got a lot more time often if they are working on their business full time to do the work that’s needed. So yeah, it’s really important to remember that.
Another brand of treacle for me is that I refuse to forgo self-care. Because, if I really wanted to, I could work every single evening after work. I could work every weekend. But I know all that’s gonna do is damage my mental health, bring me to burnout, and just not be good all around. And I’m not willing to sacrifice my self-care for that.
And I guess that brings me to my third brand of treacle, which is my mental health, and specifically my anxiety. So when I have ignored this, and I’ve tried to just power on through, it’s led to a really bad dip in my mental health. So I know for me, sometimes things do get too much and I need to step back, I need to let certain things go, switch off, and take a break completely. And that’s absolutely okay!
So right now, I would love for you to take a moment to think about what your brands of treacle might be. So is it to do with child care and family life? Is it to do with your financial position? Is it to do with your physical health or maybe you’re caring for someone else? Whatever your brands are, try and make peace with them. Factor them in when you plan your workload and keep them in mind the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to other people, especially if you’re trying to compare your productivity or how much work you’re getting done compared to someone else. Remember that they likely don’t have your brand of treacle.
So now, other than those brands of treacle, I’d love you to ask yourself what else do you think is holding you back right now?
Because the examples I’ve given here are difficult, if not impossible, to negotiate. So, that’s why I encourage you to embrace them and factor them in. For some of us, though, there are brands of treacle that we can wash off. So an example of this might be fear. Is fear slowing you down? Is self doubt getting in your way of moving forward? Because, while there’s definitely something to be said for going at your own pace, it’s also really important if we can, not to get stuck, especially by treacles that we can wash off.
And the key thing here is understanding what’s holding us back. The more we understand what’s holding us back, the better. So I really recently wrote a blog all about coming unstuck, and I’ll definitely link that in the shownotes, but I also wanted to go through some of the steps that I listed there to help you start thinking about it.
So step number one is to understand what needs to change. So try and get your head around what it is that needs to change in order for you to stop feeling stuck. Where is it you need to go? You obviously have a destination in front of you, that you’re feeling stuck and you’re not getting to, so really iron out what it is that needs to change and where you need to go.
For example, if you’re feeling stuck in your career, maybe ask yourself what would give you the fulfillment and the freedom that you want? If your relationships feel stagnant, maybe ask yourself how you would like them to be?
Step number two is to visualise the impact this change would have on your life. Take some time here, switch off, and just daydream for a while. What would this new career, for example, how would that feel like day-to-day? How would your relationships nourish you if they were different?
So step number three is to identify what it is that’s holding you back. So you may already have a really clear idea and know exactly what it is, or you might be a bit unsure. If you are struggling figuring out what it is that’s stopping you from moving forward, you can try journaling and I’ve got a couple of prompts here that might help.
So the first prompt is: “my biggest fear about taking the next step is…[dot dot dot.]” The second one is: “if… [dot dot dot] wasn’t in my life, I could move forward.” And the third one is: “in order to move forward… [dot dot dot] needs to happen.”
So hopefully those prompts can help you really understand what it is that’s holding you back.
So step number four is to consider what could help you move forward. So is the thing that’s holding you back something you always struggled with? Or is it more of a recent roadblock? How much work do you think will be needed to come unstuck? And, at this point, I really wanna remind you that you don’t have to do this work alone. There are so many forms of support out there that can help you, from reading books and articles and learning more about this type of treacle, to getting coaching and even counseling, if you think that’s the right way to go.
Then step number five is to set yourself some small challenges. So, if you want to change your career, for example, you could potentially set yourself a challenge to get in touch with someone who’s in the industry to learn a little bit more about what it’s like. If you want your relationships to change, maybe set yourself a challenge to set a date up where you can talk really honestly and openly.
So let me run through those five steps again really quickly. So step number one is to understand what it is that needs to change. Step number two is to visualise the impact this change will have on your life. Step number three is to identify what’s holding you back. And step number four is to consider what could help you move forward. And the last step, step number five, is to set yourself some small challenges.
So, finally, before we go, I really want to encourage you to stop looking at everyone else, and keep going on your own path. So even though it might be a bit sticky, it is yours. Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Take a minute to reflect and look behind you and see the trail of accomplishments you’ve already left. Look ahead of you, see the wide open space yet to fill. So even though your journey may take a little more time than you would like, it doesn’t have to mean it’s any less fulfilling. Just try really hard to find joy in your journey when you can and self compassion when you can’t.
So there we go. I really hope that was helpful. And, before I go, I do want to tell you that I’m gonna be changing my coaching packages and relaunching them on the 30th of March. And I’m gonna be offering my newsletters subscribers an introductory discount, so if you’re interested to find out more about those, then do sign up to my newsletter before the next one goes out, which is gonna be the 29th of March, 2020.
But other than that, that’s all from me this week! I would really love to hear your thoughts on this, as always. Please do let me know over on Instagram, I’m @katbluejay, and I’ll be back next week with some advice for those struggling to reach out for support. So until then, I really hope you have a lovely week and take care.