It’s OK to fall apart

This is more of a pep talk and a reminder than anything else, but it’s something I’ve found myself saying a lot recently, to myself and to other people and wanted to say it again, here.

It is OK to have moments, hours, day, weeks, even months, where you fall apart.

We all know the feeling. We’re doing our absolute best to hold everything together, but we’re coming apart at the seams. We feel on the verge of tears and ready to hide under a duvet and say ‘not today world’.

But instead of doing that, we push on. We thrust ourselves out into the world, slapping on an armour of smiles and “I’m fine”s. Our stress bucket is filling up and ready to overflow at any minute. Then, one more thing gets added to the pile and we collapse.

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We fall into ourselves and fall apart. But instead of just letting it happen, we call ourselves weak. We get angry that we aren’t coping and try to force ourselves back together again, until we hit our limit again… and so the cycle continues.

I do my best to avoid letting things get to the stage where I’m ready to fall apart, using self-awareness techniques and anticipating overwhelm with self-care. But you know what? Sometimes it’s utterly unavoidable.

Sometimes life just hits you like a tonne of bricks and in those moments, I’ve actually found there’s power in allowing yourself to just… fall apart.

Feel the weight of your overwhelm. Cry for all the things you need but aren’t getting. Let the emotions bubble to the surface and release them.

For me, this tends to look like a big cry, a hug from someone I love and writing in my journal. For you, it may be having a duvet day, calling a friend and eating all the cookies you can find. Often we just need someone to tell us it’s going to be OK.

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Remind yourself that you’re human and that everyone feels like this from time to time (they just don’t photograph it on Instagram!). Treat yourself with compassion and take this time to look after yourself and give your body/mind what it needs.

This feeling will pass. You will fill yourself up again and sew up the seams. You’ll go on to feel stronger and more capable, because you’ve done it before.

And if the feeling doesn’t pass? If you can’t pull yourself out of the cycle? Reach out for some support. You may benefit from speaking to a counsellor and getting some therapy to help you cope - I know I go on about it, but CBT helped me a lot with this.

All I know is that everything is temporary, including the way you feel when you need to fall apart.

I hope the words here can at least provide a little comfort and if you think working on your self-worth or self-care routine will help, take a look at my coaching page and see if anything there would support you.

More than anything though, please know if you’re feeling like this you’re not alone. If you need to speak to someone, Samaritans are great listeners and for mental health support, you can find private therapists on Counselling Directory.