So far on this podcast I’ve covered the topic of self-worth in quite general terms, this week I want to hone in specifically on the impact of knowing your worth on relationships.
In this episode I share some thoughts on romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships and professional relationships and how having that quiet knowing of your worth impacts them.
You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or listen here:
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
- Understanding self-worth and its impact
- Expert support: Counselling Directory, Refuge, Relate
- Finding love on Tinder
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Self-worth in your business
- Coaching packages
This week I wanna hone in on a specific element of self-worth: the impact it has in relationships. So this includes romantic relationships, family, friendships, and even professional relationships. So if this is an area you’re interested in learning a bit more about, then get yourself comfortable and let’s dive in.
Hello everyone! How are you doing? I hope you’re all well. So we’re quickly approaching the end of season two, with next week being the last episode. Gotta say, it’s gone super quickly this time around. But yeah, this week I wanna start honing in on specific ways self-worth affects us. Back in season one episode two, I spoke about self-worth in general the effect it can have on us. So I definitely recommend going back and giving that a listen if you haven’t already.
But today I want to talk about how self-worth can affect our relationships specifically. It’s an area I’ve seen a huge impact in personally and I don’t think it really gets the airtime it deserves. So I thought we could look at the different relationships in our lives and how having that solid sense of self-worth affects them.
And of course, I want to caveat this whole episode by saying I am not a relationship expert and I’m largely speaking from personal experience here and the experiences I’ve seen from those around me, including past coaching clients. Therefore, I won’t be diving into some of the extreme ends of this topic, but I’ll definitely be sure to share some support resources in the show notes for this episode.
Okay, so let’s kick off with romantic relationships and wow, where to start? Maybe I should share a little bit about my experience. So I’ve had three long term relationships, including the one I’m in currently with my partner Dan and several short term flings in between. And I would honestly say that each one has taught me something.
The more I’ve grown and understood my worth over the years, the more I’ve been able to ask for what I need in relationships. And the more I’ve been able to recognise when things aren’t working. And I think when you truly value yourself, you feel more confident in communicating. You can express what you need from your partner and you know what you deserve. You can walk away when a relationship doesn’t feel right, and I think you just learn to trust your gut more.
I definitely remember some of those key moments in relationships when my gut told me, ‘Kat, this isn’t working.’ It’s not quite as easy as then clicking your fingers and being able to walk away from a relationship, especially a long term one, but I think it helps you trust in yourself a bit more and understand that maybe you should listen to your intuition here. And you’re just able to hear that inner voice saying it’s not working and it just means as well that you can understand the complexities of romantic relationships, understand that things aren’t always going to be perfect, they’re not always going to be smooth sailing, but you still know when enough is enough.
And one of the most interesting ways I think our worth can really affect romantic relationships is when we’re not in them. So being single was something I really struggled with and at university I fell in love with pretty much everyone I saw. I would write awful unrequited love stories quietly to myself in my room and I honestly got validation when I got attention from men. And when I didn’t get that attention, I convinced myself I wasn’t worthy of love and that I would be alone forever. And not to get too deep into this, but I definitely remember that being a key factor in me developing an eating disorder in my teens as well. It was very much needing that validation from other people and not getting it.
But of course, as my worth has built up, I’ve got better with this. And in the space between my ex and my current partner, yes, I did have the odd blip, I’ll admit, but on the whole I used that time to reconnect with myself as a whole human on my own. I reconnected with my own passions and consequently I knew when to end a fling that wasn’t going anywhere. I just remember lots of red flags coming up and me saying, ‘you know what? This isn’t worth the pain and suffering of being in a relationship with this person. It’s not gonna work.; And I have the courage to end it, whereas past-Kat, who needed that validation, probably would have just been happy that someone was paying an interest in her and would have stayed in a relationship that wasn’t working. So I was pleased that I was able to end that little fling pretty easily.
And it also meant that I knew a good thing when it popped up on Tinder! And yes, if you didn’t know, me and Dan met on Tinder. I actually have written a blog about this so I’ll pop a link in the show notes, if you’re nosy. No worries, I get it!
So yeah, I think that’s what worth gives you. It gives you an understanding of what’s good for you. It doesn’t mean that you’ll never make mistakes, but it helps you hone your inner bullshit detector.
Okay, let’s move onto family relationships. And this is a real toughie, especially if your relationship with your family is a difficult one. But I think one of the key ways knowing your worth affects familial relationships is being better able to set boundaries with them. Because when you’re clear on your worth, you don’t have to put up with damaging behaviours from others, even if they are your family. It helps you speak up and ask for what you need again. This may be more or less communication, it may be to not talk about certain topics or certain people. And again, I feel like it just gives you the confidence you need to speak up for yourself.
With friendships, I think knowing your worth allows you to be more honest. I know I used to regularly lie to one group of friends about meeting up because I didn’t want to admit to them that I had driving anxiety. And I didn’t want to drive to the locations they suggested so instead, I would say I was busy or I had a migraine or something like that. But once I got more comfortable and accepted all of myself, anxiety included, I felt able to open up. I was really clear with them about what my problem was and ways around it, and it’s made interactions with them much less stressful ever since. And again, it just all boils down to communication. Knowing your worth makes it easier to communicate.
Now, working and professional relationships can be super nuanced. And I think it can be really hard to navigate when you’re dealing with someone you might not actually know very well. Knowing your worth here, however, allows you to advocate for yourself. It allows you to shout about your successes and also admit when you need help. It makes it easier to be open and truly bring your quote-unquote “whole self” to work.
I know recently I had a moment where I was struggling at work and I opened up to my manager about it and just having that quiet knowing that it was going to be okay for me to tell her I’m struggling with this, this isn’t working, I need help, I need to give you this feedback, we need to change something. It’s a scary thing to do, it’s a scary thing to admit to someone in your work that you’re not coping, but having that quiet knowing of worth just means you know it’s okay because you know you’re good at your job and you know you know what you’re doing, you just need a little bit of help and support at the moment and that’s totally okay.
And I think, interestingly, if you’re self-employed or if you’re a freelancer, knowing your worth here can translate quite literally to knowing how much to charge for your services. Maybe you feel more confident when it comes to pricing and better able to sell because you believe in yourself and what you have to offer.
So all of the things I’ve talked about in this episode sound pretty amazing. And it makes it seem a little bit like knowing your worth is a cure-all for all of this, but of course, it’s not. We’re human and relationships can get messy. Like, really messy. So our knowledge of our worth can fly out the window when a family member pushes our windows or maybe when stress is really piling up at work or when you’ve not had enough sleep or, for me, it’s often when PMS is hitting me particularly hard. All of my knowledge of my worth just promptly flies out the window.
But knowing your worth does mean you can forgive yourself when these blips do come up. And that quiet knowing of what you deserve will come back and it will be there for you. And it’s this quiet knowing that I want others to experience because it makes you feel safe. And it’s just a huge driver behind all of the work I do.
And this quiet knowing of your worth is the intended outcome of my coaching package, Discover Self-Worth. It’s a six month package. And next week, for the last episode of this series, I’m actually going to be going through the six steps to discover your worth. And these are the steps I would take you through during that coaching package. So if you’re interested in hearing more on that, definitely tune in next week.
But yes, this is all I have for you this week. I hope you’ve found this episode helpful. Definitely let me know if anything resonated with you, and I’m @katbluejay over on Instagram. And I’ll be back next week with that season finale! Until then, please take care and I hope you have a lovely week.